My Life Stories 101: August 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Dear tampon instructions,

"Hold at a 45 degree angle..." hold on, let me get my protractor.

Sincerely, get real.

Just got back from the game! Go yellow jackets! <3

Dear camera whores,

This is Facebook, not an online application for a job as a prostitute.

Sincerely, put some clothes on.

Nice try.

Sincerely, a gay cop.

Dear drug stores,

Please consider adding a self-checkout line.

Sincerely, basket of tampons, condoms, and hemorroid cream.

Ok so I was getting some complaints about discontinuing my life stories on Twitter! So I decided to make a blog all about it!! What u guys think??

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button!
Never ask the lady at the fast-food counter for a diet water
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car..